I’m not sure why so many of us—myself included—get caught up in perfectionism. Women, they say, are more susceptible to this trait, whether due to wanting to be loved and appreciated or by simply hoping it will mask their flaws. Even my husband gets caught up in it, feeling embarrassed if he accidentally spills coffee or something like that. I don’t really know the answer, but it’s okay, because. . .
There are not many things in my life that I regret. As a teen, I regretted not spending more time at my father’s bedside before he died and determined after I would not let myself fall into those regrets again. It spurred me to do difficult things, like check in on a sick friend, attend a funeral, or speak up to someone about how much I care or appreciate them. So when I look back, there isn’t that much I would do over, but we all have this or that we wish we would have done better.
But it’s okay, because. . .
I’ve never been good about forgiving myself. It’s much easier to forgive others. The dark shadows that lie within our depths are the ones we try to keep pushed aside and out of thought and mind. When they rear their head, I might whisper to myself "I forgive you," but I’m not sure I always mean it. Maxwell Maltz (Psycho-Cybernetics) said,
"True forgiveness comes only when we are able to see, and emotionally accept, that there is and was nothing for us to forgive. We should not have condemned or hated the other person in the first place.”
So I surmise that if I continue to berate myself about a thing even after my whispered absolution, then I haven’t truly forgiven myself after all. But it’s okay, because. . .
Thinking on all of this, a song came to mind—Sister Golden Hair (America). In the song, Gerry Beckley sings that he couldn’t make himself show up to a thing (on Sunday), so he cut himself a break and "set my sights on Monday." He apologizes for not being perfect (he doesn’t use that word) and asks the girl to "meet me in the middle"—or more or less, to overlook his flaws and accept him as he is. We don’t know how it turned out (I often overthink these things). Wikipedia offers Gerry, who released the song in 1975, married Eleanor in 1978—a marriage that only lasted four years—but we don’t know if she was his golden-haired dream girl or not. We just know he wasn't able to live up to his own expectations (or hers). But it's okay, because. . .
There’s a boy in our neighborhood who's autistic. He’s managed to wiggle his way into all the neighbors' hearts. He seems to know everyone, wave at everyone, causes them all to stop as they drive down the road to ask how he's doing, to smile back. He’s done this even with a severe speech impediment and other physical and mental limitations I cannot even fathom. No one seems to care that he’s not "perfect," his perfection is in his flaws. (He sure has taught me a lot!)
And I think that’s really what it’s all about. We each come into this life with our own limitations and it’s up to us to make the most of our lives with what we are given. Our "perfection" is gleaned by creating our best life while living within or overcoming these boundaries. We are not expected by the Heavenly Above to be perfect by our standards. It’s understood we will make mistakes, fumble, stumble, grumble. Even Jesus—who we are taught is God embodied upon the Earth—got angry, toppled tables in the synagogue, rebuked his listeners, and became irritated with his disciples…. If Jesus displayed these types of behavior, how much less can we expect to overcome them?
So try this. Look yourself in the mirror, give yourself a smile. Then say, “It’s okay because, I forgive you.”
It’s okay to be perfectly imperfect. It’s okay because you are watched over and loved by God/Spirit/The Divine—even when you don’t feel it. It’s okay because you are a perfect soul living in an imperfect world. You may not always be at your desired best, but you are always who you came here to be, even if that is perfectly imperfect.
So give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. Forgive yourself and, "Set your sights on Monday."